i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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