You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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