I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it's like heaven, but drunker
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
