What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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