how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
