so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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