Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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