I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
