If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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