At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
