For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
