Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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