When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
