Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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