Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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