i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
