wrigley field is MILF paradise
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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