I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
