Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
