Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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