went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
