i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
