I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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