Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
