All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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