That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
