you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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