So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
