he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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