I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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