I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
