Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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