Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
