I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
