apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
