Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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