Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
