I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
