Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
