I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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