she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
