i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
