At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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