the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
