My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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