I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
