Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
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