Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I've blown a few things in my day
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
