They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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