if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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