so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My cat gives me a boner
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
