I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
