dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
