I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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